Let Your Kids Limit Themselves

Creating Freedom from Restriction

The iPad’s glow reflected off my mesmerized 5-year-old face. I was in the midst of watching the pinnacle of modern entertainment: Dora the Explorer. Dora was showing us the wonders of International Friendship Day until Swiper (an animated fox of nightmares) swiped all the friendship bracelets. Terror consumed me. How could I eat, sleep, or even live, for that matter, without knowing the resolution to this earth-shattering crisis?

Six episodes later, I was still watching, riveted. Dora had saved Friendship Day, but a multitude of new issues arose in subsequent plots. The glistening “Next Episode” button at the bottom of my screen was just so appealing—my five-year-old brain couldn’t escape the pull of my iPad.

In this digital age, children (and teenagers like me) find themselves falling down infinite content sinkholes intentionally designed to leave us wanting more. 

How can you help your kid escape?

“iPad time!”

My parents obviously weren’t thrilled at their toddler’s obsession with screens. As soon as I could walk and talk, I constantly tugged on the closest adult's sleeve and adamantly exclaimed, “iPad time! iPad time!” When my mom or dad eventually tried to pull me away from the device, the floodgates of toddler terror unleashed. I would squirm, cry, and whine about how it was vital for me to watch just one more episode. 

My parents tried to explain how too much screen time was bad for my eyes and health, but it was all in vain. (There was no way I would give up Dora to prevent the vague, projected risk of myopia.) This was the highlight of my day; nothing could stop me.

So, they gave up.

Well, my parents gave up on trying to control me.

One day, as I was engrossed in the latest conflict between Dora and Swiper, my mom and dad walked in and sat beside me.

“Hey, Jasmine, you know why too much iPad time is bad, right?” my mom cautiously asked.

“Uh-huh,” I responded, not taking my eyes off the episode.

“Good, good. Well, do you think that it would be helpful to set some kind of limit for yourself? Just so you have time to play with stuff other than your iPad,” my dad added. 

For the first time in ninety minutes, I peeled my eyes off the screen.

“Like what …?” 

They wouldn’t dare take Dora away from me. I wouldn’t stand for such injustice.

“Well, what amount of iPad time do you think is fair?” my mom responded.

I was taken aback. What do I think? My response required meticulous consideration—I needed enough Dora time to leave me content, but I couldn’t propose too much and risk them taking her away altogether. 

“Two episodes?” I asked with bated breath.

“Okay!” my parents exclaimed–much to my surprise yet satisfaction.

For the next few weeks, my mom or dad would come to check on me after my iPad quota was reached. But soon, I didn’t need their enforcement. After two episodes, I would simply leave the room and forage for other entertainment. 

Only self-imposed restrictions could change my behavior.

My parents could lecture me all they wanted, saying that I really shouldn’t be spending so much time on my device. However, that would likely have only resulted in fights and tension between us. Now, they weren’t separating me from my beloved iPad time—I was.

This same principle has kept my teenage social media usage under control without parental restrictions.

As a teenager, I don’t get scolded or even confronted if I spend too much time on my phone. But because of the self-imposed limits I’ve established and enforced, my average daily social media usage remains under 45 minutes. For comparison, teens’ daily social media usage averages 4.8 hours.

Of course, it doesn’t always go perfectly.

Occasionally, learning a new guitar song on YouTube somehow turns into an hour and a half of mindlessly watching funny cat videos. But I’ll eventually catch myself and realize I’m not adhering to my own guidelines—the autonomy to set my own limits keeps me accountable. 

Empowering Through Limiting

Now, you might think your kid would never want to limit their own screen usage. However, nearly 40% of teens think they spend too much time on their phones. My peers embarrassingly confess their crazy screen times, but most of them just return to scrolling. Helping your child create a self-imposed limit could be exactly the nudge they need.

After that, work with your kid to follow through. For example, suggest using time limits to add a digital barrier between any individual app or a device’s functionality at large. Similar to how my parents would pop in to see if I kept up with my Dora quota, this barrier kept me accountable until I formed the habit of low screen time and no longer needed it. 

Work with your kid to define their own limits—you’re not just helping them manage their screen time but also teaching them the critical, lifelong skill of self-control.